14 Years Feels Like A Lifetime

14 years.

Wait, what?!?

Has it really been 14 years since that heart-stopping, gut-turning, life-altering phone call came through? Has it really been 14 years since I was just a naive 10th grader without a clue of what true pain meant; until this stormy Monday night? I was only 16. My world had consisted of what my weekend plans were going to be, if my looser-of-a-boyfriend was ever going to call me back, what the note from my friend passed between science and study hall said, where I could park at school so no one would see me exiting out of the passenger side of the truck because my door handle from the inside wouldn't work. No, no I had no idea what it meant to have big-girl problems. But Monday, March 13th I grew up; a lot, and quickly.

We had driven to the hospital not knowing the worst was yet to come. My mom and I were still hopeful. Praying and pleading that my dad would be ok when we got there. Unfortunately we were put into one of those tiny rooms that no one wants to ever set foot in. The room that's just big enough for immediate family. The room with walls so bare all you can do is look at the ground or the ceiling and you don't dare look at each other because if you do, you will see it. You will see in each others eyes what the other is thinking, and that it will confirm that you are thinking the same thing. Then it happened. The heartless nurse waltzed in and announced exactly what we were praying and pleading we wouldn't have to hear.
All I could think and say was "He's in Heaven now. He's in Heaven now. He's in Heaven now. He's in Heaven now." And then I sat in the hall of the hospital and bawled my eyeballs out.

Where do you go from there? Sometimes it seems so surreal that I went thru such tragic loss. And sometimes it feels like yesterday. It's amazing the details you remember when you go through something like that, but yet the memory of what everyday life around him was like has faded. His voice is fading, his laugh is fading. Yet some memories are so real I can close my eyes and almost be in that moment with him. At the house he grew up in on West Virginia soil- making colby-jack toasted bread in the toaster oven and walking out to the pond listening to old mountaineer stories. Sitting out on the front porch and watching the trains go by, heading into "town" for dinner at one of the only two restaurants. Helping with the family reunions that he so dearly loved, being so proud to watch him stand up and talk about family like there was nothing else in the world. Being handed a roll of quarters to play games in the arcade at the reunion resort and being told not to spend it all at once. Having him ask me "Hey wanna go for a ride?"(in his truck) and somehow always ending up at the Steak and Shake drive-thru for a strawberry milkshake, and having him offer a nickel for my thoughts on the way home. Going to school late at night with him to prep the donuts and orange juice to sell in the morning. And probably one of my favorites; going to his office to eat lunch with him (or to use his TV when he was out ;) and finding notes from him in my lunch that I had left in his fridge.

There are more memories; specific ones like above. But honestly the everyday memory is gone. And that's ok. We are human. We are not made to remember everything. Life goes on and we make new memories, but we hold fast to those big ones, specific ones that never escape our mind bank. As I was saying to my friend recently, just because their memory fades, doesn't mean we love them any less. It doesn't mean we miss them any less. I miss my dad just as much now as I did that dark and stormy Monday-night-before-pi-day (as a math teacher, it was one of his favorite day's at school).

I hate that I can't imagine what it would be like to have him here right this second. To sit on the couch with me and tell me it's going to be ok. I don't know what it would be like to see him interact with my children, other then the fact I know there would be a lot of giggling going on! But dwelling on that too long doesn't do any one any good. I've learned to be thankful to having even known him and the joy he brought to others. Just because I don't spend everyday of my life sad and angry doesn't mean I don't love him or miss him any less then I already do. It's just that I've decided to choose the other path. The one where I know he's in Heaven. I know he's praising God, and what better place to be?!? My humanly desire is to have him here with me and my family, with my children and one day their children, but my soul is thankful that he knew and believed in the One who is mighty to save! Thankful that one day we will meet again. I know it's easy for people to use this whole idea as a "way out" of their sadness, but I truly believe it. I can still hear his deep voice singing "It Is Well With My Soul". What an amazing song and story; Horatio Spafford wrote it while passing over the same spot where his four daughters died in a voyage to Europe. He had also lost two 4 year old sons (at different times in life) to scarlet fever. If he can get through that, then I can get through my past trials and help my friends through their current one.

14 years feels like a lifetime; and technically it is. There's my life before I lost my dad, and my life after. I've now lived more then half my life without him. But life must go on. We can't daily grieve for the lost because we still have the living. I still need to be a wife, mother, daughter, sister and friend.

Thank you dad for your humor, your compassion and your love. You are greatly missed, everyday.

Please hug on David for me, say hi to Zeke for me, and please make sure to meet sweet Jubilee. Her big eyes will make you melt!

Love your daughter,

Susan

Jubilee Hope - Couldn't Be A More Perfect Name

No doubt this weekend has been a first for us. It has brought us closer (in our marriage and also in our walk with Christ) in ways I cannot describe. To see your best friends go through the unimaginable will bring you back to reality and what's important in life quicker then the crack of a lightning bolt. 

It's been an amazing and eye opening experience to be alongside our friends as their 3-month-old daughter fought the good fight. No parent should have to bury their child, especially at such a young and fragile age. No parent should endure multiple 911 calls, ambulance rides, CPR sessions and flat lining with their infant. But alas, my friends did. They have endured the pain of their daughter's disorder day in and day out for the last 6 weeks. Everyday started with the question if this would be her last. Everyday they prayed for her, loved on her, talked to her, smiled at her, sang to her, kissed on her and told her in more ways then just their voice that they loved her more then words could describe. There is no doubt she knew God's love for her through her parent's actions. There is no doubt that Jesus has used her story to bring people all over the country (even us) closer to Christ. There is no doubt that this baby girl was born with greater purpose then we could ever imagine and will ever understand. 

This weekend we were blessed to be with our friends across the country as they celebrated the short but highly impactful life of their 3-month-old daughter. 

I distinctly remember the day they told us they were expecting their third child. We were hanging out on the court after class at the gym. So giddy and excited to share the good news we were smiling from ear to ear knowing they had wanted this child so badly. But your life can change in the blink of an eye. Having no idea they were both carriers of a genetic disorder, the news of their daughter’s future was devastating. 

But the story doesn't end there. There are many ways they could have reacted; there are many ways they could have handled their new lifestyle. After the initial shock and mental/emotional processing, they decided to give their child joy. Instead of being bitter, upset, angry and revengeful, they chose to spend their limited days thanking God for her and the opportunity to spend as much time with their daughter as possible. 

Our friends have inspired us, and many others, in ways that can only come from God. We are so thankful to call them friends. It's amazing to see God's plan unfold in areas you would least expect it. He knew exactly what He was doing when we chose to live much further from the base then any of the friends we already had at our new location; He knew Kristen and Nate would be there. He knew Kristen and I would meet at a spouses’ function and hit it off as friends right away. He knew our families would become close as we went camping and riding over the summers together. And He knew they would be enduring what every parent shouldn't, and that Gabriel and I would be there every step of the way for them. 

These last 6 weeks I have constantly been wishing I could take their pain from them; that I could even take their place for them. Not that I want to loose a child, but that I want to not see them suffer. Oh, what I would do to ease their pain. But this is God's plan, and thankfully they have embraced that truth and have been able to get through it with what only God's love and comfort can do. To watch our friends endure the pain that God did as His Son was crucified on the cross, is indescribable. But that's also exactly what makes it so amazing, that we are reminded that God has gone through this suffering as well. That He understands their pain and that He is here to comfort them and guide them along the way. 

Thank you Jesus for working in my friends' life. Thank You for loving them in ways they might not even see or completely understand. Thank You for allowing us to be with them this weekend and be able to witness what an impact they and their daughter have had on their community. Thank You for giving them the strength and courage to get through this and to tell others, especially their daughters that You are the reason they can hold their head high and continue on. Thank You for dying on the cross so Jubilee could go to Heaven and be with You for eternity. Thank You for giving our friends the understanding that she is no longer suffering but is forever praising Your name, and that one day they will be able to join with her in the heavenly chorus!  

Now go and hug your loved ones tight and tell them you love them, because believe me, you never know when your last chance to do so will be!

"Christ alone, cornerstone. 

Weak make strong in the Savior's love.
Through the storm, He is Lord, Lord of all!" 

Kid Friendly Chicken "Marsala"

Ok, so I'm fully aware that Marsala is a wine, and because this recipe does not include the wine, then really it can't be called Chicken Marsala! Right? True, but it reminds me of a kiddie version of Chicken Marsala, so thats what I'm going to call it; wine or not.

You basically coat and cook the chicken like you would for chicken parmesan (which is why its SO good)(also the secret is the dusting of flour before dipping in eggs and then the breadcrumbs)
but instead of making a wine sauce or using tomato sauce you use chicken broth and top with sautéed mushrooms, onions and garlic. I kinda threw this together so Im guessing on the amounts for everything, but exacts aren't important in cooking, only in baking, right? :)


Enjoy!


Kid Friendly Chicken "Marsala"


4 boneless skinless chicken breasts

salt and pepper to taste

2 eggs 

2 cups Italian bread crumbs

1/4 cup grated Parmesan cheese

2 TBSP flour, or more if needed

1 cup EVOO, plus 2 TBSP 

1 package sliced white mushrooms

1/2 diced yellow or sweet onion

1 TBSP minced garlic, or more to taste

1 cup chicken broth

Mozzarella or Pepper Jack Cheese for melting on top

Preheat oven to 450 degrees. 

Begin by warming 2 TBSP of EVOO in a pan for sautéing. Add sliced mushrooms and onions and cook over medium heat until onions are almost translucent, then add garlic and cook for another 2 minutes. Take off heat and set aside. 

Place chicken breasts between two sheets of heavy plastic (resealable freezer bags work well) on a solid surface. Firmly pound chicken with the smooth side of a meat mallet to a thickness of 1/2-inch. Season chicken thoroughly with salt and pepper. 

Beat eggs in a shallow bowl and set aside

Mix bread crumbs and 1/4 cup Parmesan in a separate bowl, set aside

 Sprinkle flour over chicken breasts, evenly coating both sides

Dip flour coated chicken breast in beaten eggs. Transfer breast to breadcrumb mixture, pressing the crumbs into both sides. Repeat for each breast. 

Heat 1 cup olive oil in a large skillet on medium-high heat until it begins to shimmer. Cook chicken until golden, about 2 minutes on each side. The chicken will finish cooking in the oven.

Place chicken in sprayed 9x13 pan and top with mushroom and onion mixture. Pour chicken broth on top of chicken and place in oven for 15 minutes. 

Top chicken with shredded or sliced mozzarella (or pepper jack for adults) and heat in oven for 5 more minutes or until melted and chicken is cooked through. 

Serve with cooked rice or mashed potatoes and veggies of your choice! My kids gobbled this up and they normally complain about mushrooms :)

Let me know if you make it and how it turned out! 

~Susan

Be Still And Wait

Yesterday was a big stepping stone. I gathered our completed application, a check and a copy of our homestudy and headed to the post office. All our hopes and dreams of what the future addition to our family will be like was in that envelope. Once this packet arrives at their office (in FL) we will be on their active waiting list, which means at any time we could receive a call. I'm realistic; I know the estimated time is 12-24 months, but I also know that our God has His own timing. Because we are estimated to move in a year, time is of the essence in this process.
Without going into too many specifics; we did open ourselves up to either gender, any race and age up to 18 months old. One thing I have wanted to do was leave it up to God. We want the birthmother to read our profile and pick us because she wants her child to be in our family for who we are, that she sees us and just knows that are THE family for her child.
We have had discussions on who we imagine our child will be, but ultimately it's up to God. He knows the desires of our hearts, His plans might be different then ours, but that's why we trust Him as the final decision maker. We are praying that because we have a broad spectrum of check marks on our application that we will be matched sooner then later.
We also know that this might not be God's plan for us at all either. The foster care offices in Alaska still have our homestudy on file, we could receive a phone call from them any day. We are also still open to a private adoption, like if a friend has a friend who is looking to place her child for adoption locally but not through an agency. We know that God works in many ways, which is exciting!
 I just felt like we needed to get our foot in the door elsewhere if we wanted something to happen before we move. I'm happy that we are being proactive and getting the ball rolling somewhere.  Now I feel like we are at a place where we can be still and wait.

~Susan

Southwest OK Newborn Photographer | Baby L

My sweet friend recently welcomed her first baby into the world! We were able to get some fun shots of him at 8 days old. He was such a little trooper and a fantastic sleeper! Thanks baby for making it easy on me :) He is one blessed little boy because you can tell just how much mommy and daddy are in love with him through these photos!

Here's some of my favorites!

Susan Wetlesen Photography specializes in newborn, birth, family and lifestyle photography in Southwest Oklahoma and surrounding areas including but not limited to Lawton, Wichita Falls and Altus.

Now What?

The fingerprints have been rolled, our backgrounds have been checked. Our finances have been picked through, and we have answered over 12 pages of questions about ourselves. We've submitted over 60 pages of paperwork, made it through two house visits, and endured nerve wrecking one on one interviews about our reasons for adopting.

This microscope we have been examined under is called the homestudy; and it is DONE!

So now what? Where do we go from here? I feel like because we are in the military and we are on track to move in a years time (or sooner or later...really, who knows!) we are at a huge disadvantage in this whole process, because adopting, in general, takes TIME! Of course there are circumstances where it can happen sooner then you'd think, but for the most part it's months if not years worth of waiting before being placed with a child. Originally we had thought we weren't  going to use an agency, but now we are opening our options to that as well. I have submitted our homestudy to a few of the foster care offices in Alaska; I've asked them to review it and keep it on file just incase there's a child who is in the age range we have submitted that becomes legally free and needs to be adopted. I was told they don't have any children they can think of right now that would fit that bill, and that they try to keep their once-foster-care-children in the state of Alaska so they can have some security and be close to relatives (if there are any), but that they would "keep us in mind."

We have been talking with a few agencies, getting all their details and weighing our options. The local agency here won't accept our homestudy (since we didn't originally sign up with them and use their choice of a social worker to complete our homestudy), so that is pretty much out of the question. There is another agency in Fairbanks I am talking with too and have been compiling their information as well. Right now we are considering working with an agency in Florida. To me Florida is a great idea because we have family and friends there. We would have the moral support, as well as rides or a car we could borrow and a place to stay, which would be a huge blessing during the placement process.

We thought we had a lead with an agency in a particular state, but after some research and some scary findings, we decided that wasn't the route for us; even though they promised a baby in just a few months (talk about pulling our heart-strings and playing with our emotions). Ethics are huge to us and this agency, and state as a whole, seems to lack in that department. So on to the next route I guess...

We are also open to private newborn adoption as well, but have yet to encounter any leads in that area.

Since we are open to any path I feel like we are making it harder on ourselves. We can't decide exactly which way we want to pursue a child thus we haven't picked a plan and gone 100% in. I know research and decisions are important, but I wish we knew which way we were headed. It's all a blur right now and I'm ready to put my glasses on and see the clear picture. But, I know that God has it under control. His timing is perfect. Just because people (like me, stated above) don't think it's possible to be placed before we move doesn't mean we won't get a child soon. God has no timelines. He has no limits. He knows our situation, and He knows that we started this process when we were 100% ready. We didn't jump into it right away; even though we have talked about it literally for almost 10 years. We made sure we were ready in every aspect, and because of that, I know the timing is right. Even if it takes longer then I'd really want it to, it will all come together when it's supposed to.

My verse for this season of our lives is Philippians 4:6:

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.

I AM anxious (I am working on that)....but I am excited, I want to get this show on the road and add to our family! I would love to bring a child home yesterday! The Lord knows this. He knows the desires of our hearts (Psalm 37:4). He knows about the child we've dreamed about welcoming into our family. He knows that we, as a family, have prayed for this child. He knows every word we will speak to each person involved in this process. He knows every thought of excitement and doubt that will go through our mind. He knows the path we will ultimately venture down in receiving this child, and He knows exactly which child that will be; and this is what makes the whole tiring and taxing process ultimately....perfect! 

~Susan

Southwest OK Family Photographer | Botanical Gardens

This past Sunday I had the privilege of meeting a (fairly) new-to-our squadron family! What a pleasure it was to work with them! Very sweet and kind people for sure! We both had conflicting schedules for a while but thankfully they waited it out and we were able to get together and get these photos done!

Their main focus was their active and adorable 18 month old boy. Let me tell you he is quite the cutie! He warmed up to me quickly and towards the end was taking my hand and showing me the way!

What a great family; easy to talk to and super laid back! Thanks for the fun time and choosing me to capture your handsome little man's adventurous personality!

The Botanical Gardens in Anchorage was the perfect place for a session! If you are interested in booking that location, please email me at susan.wetlesen@gmail.com.

Here are some of my favorites!

Happy Weekend Ya'll!

~Susan

Susan Wetlesen Photography specializes in newborn, birth, family and lifestyle photography in Southwest Oklahoma and surrounding areas including but not limited to Lawton, Wichita Falls and Altus.